You will not recognise God when you see him

It is without saying, that every person will eventually need to stand before Allah, the most high and recount their lives. It is a part of my own spiritual journey to sit and reflect on. It is a humbling reflection. An imagery that is rich with intensity and fear.

A day that is to stand 50,000 years long. A day that burns through the skin of man as the sun is 1 mile above their heads, the most vile of humanity drown in their sweat. Hell screams in the distance, calling its captives as it hungers to feast on their flesh. A mother flees from her own son, whom she would’ve died for and in some ways, she did. The tyrants are stripped of their power, their wealth and influence. Every finger points at another, begging for reprieve. The Angels scowl above, awaiting their orders.

In the midst of all that chaos, that blood curdling reality stands you. You have been standing for a long time, multiple life times actually. Your limbs force you to stand, why? Because the most high ordered it.

You stand

You stand

and stand some more.

Then you hear it, a voice that cuts through it all. A great relief yet another trial.

Your name is called.

You gather yourself, resistance is futile. If you tried to betray your limbs then the Angels who stand above have no qalm forcing you to stand, you watched it happen to another.

There you stand, in fear. You dare to look up at your master, the one who fashioned you and the universe, the one who rolled that same universe in his palm and what do you see?

This is the question that we all will face, a man can pick up the Qur’an and take from verses what he wants. He may read and think to himself, that my Lord loves to subjagate and crush.

So he lives his life as such, at a young age he bullies and oppresses those around him. His tongue, is just another tool for those his hands can’t reach. He cheats, he steals, he lies because those that he oppresses aren’t of the same faith. Those he does steal from? they were stupid anyway, a moral failing on their behalf.

His viciousness seeps into his marriage, his wife shivers as the viper that sometimes walks past her decides between hugging or slapping her. His children turn off the TV when they hear him get up or when the doorknob jiggles, their father hates noise.

And why would Allah punish him? He did everything he was supposed to. Cleansed, fed and disiciplined his family.

He prays Fridays, washing himself of sin before beating his children that same evening.

So what happens to that man when an Angel grabs him viciously? Dragging him across the hot sand as he used to drag his own children out from beneath his bed?

Why did the Angel snap my arms? The same arms that he used to strike his wife with?

Why is his tongue sealed as his limbs testify against him? That same tongue he used to lie with?

The Crouching (45:23)

أَفَرَءَيْتَ مَنِ ٱتَّخَذَ إِلَـٰهَهُۥ هَوَىٰهُ وَأَضَلَّهُ ٱللَّهُ عَلَىٰ عِلْمٍۢ وَخَتَمَ عَلَىٰ سَمْعِهِۦ وَقَلْبِهِۦ وَجَعَلَ عَلَىٰ بَصَرِهِۦ غِشَـٰوَةًۭ فَمَن يَهْدِيهِ مِنۢ بَعْدِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ أَفَلَا تَذَكَّرُونَ ٢٣

Have you seen ˹O Prophet˺ those who have taken their own desires as their god? ˹And so˺ Allah left them to stray knowingly, sealed their hearing and hearts, and placed a cover on their sight. Who then can guide them after Allah? Will you ˹all˺ not then be mindful?

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

It is only then, when the inferno calls to him, he realises that he never worshipped Allah. He worshipped his anger, whatever that anger would be satiated with, then he would feed it, increase it and honour it.

That violence guided his moral framework, it decided what he would do next. The flesh of those closest to him would make an ampt sacrifice, their screams would be the prayers.

He has deluded himself, thinking he deprived mercy from the people. In truth, he only deprieved mercy from himself.

How could such a man see God? He was deprived of the signs his entire life.

The Abuser is easy to look down on. He is obvious, his crimes are recorded. Though what do I say of myself? What do I worship? What guides my own emotions and morals during times of anger, happiness or sadness? That force, that holds me, is my God.

I will either recognise him on the Day of Judgement, or I will not.

ربِّ زِدْنِي عِلْماً
My Lord, increase me in knowledge.